Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
