it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
