We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
