U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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