We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
