I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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