I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
