what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
