I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize