I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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