At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
