I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize