in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
