how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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