kristin has been a bad kristin
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
