i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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