She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
