They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My feet surprised me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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