Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
