You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
