And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
