I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
