This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
