Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
