Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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