Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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