hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
