A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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