I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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