why didn't you poke me back
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
