i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
