My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just tell him i said nine months
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
