ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
