your parents love me but you hate me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
