Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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