Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
