I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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