i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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