i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
