We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
