lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize