The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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