there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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