I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize