chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
