these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
