Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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