eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
