oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this just has baby written all over it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
