I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
