We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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