Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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