I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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