I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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