And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
