so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My butt remains clenched, sir.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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