Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
