I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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