He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
