i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
