I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
