oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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