Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
