Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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