Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
