I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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