I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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