I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize