your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
