we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
