If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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